ATTENTION DIVORCING MEN
If I could assist men going through divorce to find clarity and confidence within twelve weeks, alleviating stress and anxiety while ensuring they don't feel..
✅ overwhelmed by the fear of the unknown,loss,
✅ or dealing with a narcissistic partner,
would you be interested?
We Know How Divorce Stress Feels. That’s Why We Created a Better Way to Navigate It Together.
Ready to thrive through your divorce?
Claim your free 45-minute strategy session today and discover a systematic blueprint to empower your decisions and propel you forward.
One Call can help you avoid the same costly mistakes men typically make in divorce.
These mistakes are in the thousands of dollars and many months of wasted divorce process.
All around, divorce is much harder on men, and the numbers are in:
✔ The suicide rate for divorced men is nine times that of divorced women.
✔ Courts grant primary custody to mom 80% of the time,
✔ Women initiate 70% of divorces,
✔ Men make 96% of all support payments,
✔ Society typically assumes the man is the bad actor in a divorce
✔ Men typically face more parental alienation.
✔ Many men become completely paralyzed when confronted with such overwhelming circumstances
✔ Last but not least, more isolation
To top the list, speaking of any of the above is taboo⚠️⁉️
In other words, when a man could use some intel, he is not allowed to get it.
The worst-kept secret in divorce is that the odds are already stacked against the man, but there is a code of silence around this.
"I already have a lawyer; I don't need to speak to anyone else. Thank you"
You sure?..
(I worked with eight during my five-year divorce)
Navigating a narcissistic divorce demands far more than the mechanical processes of a typical legal separation. It calls for nothing short of mastering "The Art Of Divorce."
"It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of Divorce that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on."
Adapted from The Art Of War by Sun Tzu
I cannot travel to the past to warn my younger self. But I can stay in the present and speak to men who are now where I was ten years ago.
There are eight distinct phases to conquer in a narcissistic divorce to emerge a better man on the other side.
I've given each stage a name that reflects its unique challenges:
1️⃣ Hesitation Jason: 🌓 Men stuck halfway in the marriage, halfway out. It's like living in limbo. This phase can last anywhere from 3 to over 20 years. Countless men endure toxic marriages indefinitely, always teetering on the edge with one foot out the door, leading to perpetual unhappiness.
2️⃣️ Flying Monkies: 🐒 A narcissist's talent lies in gathering allies and turning them against you, a process that often begins the moment the topic of divorce comes up.
3️⃣️ The Smear Campaign: 🔊 this phase runs in parallel with Flying Monkeys. A narcissist possesses an incredibly strong urge to maintain a flawless facade in society, ensuring that blame for any issues falls squarely on you, not them
4️⃣️ The Sex Honey Trap: 🍯🪤As the divorce conversation becomes more serious, she will attempt to manipulate you with sex. She understands that she can effortlessly lure you back into her fold through sex.
5️⃣️ Victim Vicki: 🤕 If a man successfully crosses the Sex Honey trap, she swiftly transitions into victim mode, engaging in dramatic theatrics where she incessantly portrays herself as suffering immense pain, even feigning illness at times.
6️⃣️ Moss, the Angry Boss: 👿 Should you persist with the divorce proceedings, she escalates into extreme anger. She will redirect all blame back onto you, accusing you of being responsible for every issue in the universe. Nothing is her fault; it's all your fault, conveyed with great fury.
7️⃣️ Parental alienation: 😾 It's nearly certain when divorcing a narcissist. Narcissists resent children having a positive relationship with the other parent, and they'll go to great lengths to undermine your love for your children. For a narcissist, children are not children of the marriage; they belong to them exclusively.
8️⃣ Isolation Jason: 🚶Men with such experiences often find themselves disbelieved and reluctant to confide in others, which leads to a slippery slope of isolation.
Without a clear understanding of these obstacles and how to overcome them, you will have unnecessary stress, anxiety, and wasted money.
WHAT NEXT?
I discovered there is a science to the madness ‼️
and now I help men through a methodical and systematic approach to divorce
Providing step-by-step guidance. 👣
Additionally, I offer a no-obligation 1:1 Strategy Session.
♞♚♖
To help you discover freedom, creativity, and a place you can truly call home. 🏡
(Available for an extremely limited time)
Exclusively for men contemplating or navigating through a
high conflict narcissistic divorce
Judgment-free and completely confidential, safe space for open discussions.
I've assisted clients in saving several thousand dollars in their divorce
I have already made the typical costly divorce mistakes so you don't have to
A word from our community
Currently working with Oscar to help with my pending divorce. I didn't know such a thing existed as a "Divorce Coach" until a friend was helping me out to get some resource help and stumbled upon Oscar's service in a web search. Now, I can't imagine going into battle without one. My attorney isn't very helpful and only basically answers question when you ask and only what you ask. Ryan C.
You helped me a lot. If you are about to go through a divorce, he has some good insight to help you make some good early decisions. A very good communicator also. - Larry M
I read Oscar's book, the Good, The Bad, The Divorce. A great and easy read that gives you all the pitfalls to watch out for and the basic steps to take in making your way through the court system. - David Z
Thank you a lot, this was very helpful. I really recommend to anyone who is looking for help. - Alan
FAQ
Q: What is divorce?
A: According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of divorce is the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage. The definition of dissolve is to bring to an end.
Looking at divorce from a holistic perspective and drawing from my own experiences, I see it as a profound rupture between the mind, body, and spirit. It's the moment of realization that we've been living a life scripted by societal norms, conforming to expectations that aren't truly our own. The breakdown of a marriage serves as a wake-up call, urging us to break free from the constraints of others' expectations and to reinvent ourselves authentically.
Divorce transcends mere legal dissolution; it's a process of shedding outdated beliefs and narratives that no longer serve our growth. Its purpose lies in the liberation to craft a new, more authentic version of ourselves, fostering the freedom and fulfillment we yearn for.
Q: Why is it so difficult to get away from a toxic marriage- If it is toxic?
A: We cling to the narratives others impose upon us, often carrying childhood stories that remain obscured from our view. We allow others to overstep our personal boundaries, driven by a fear of losing everything - our finances, possessions, and, most importantly, our children. The dread of such loss compels many to remain in toxic relationships, sacrificing our very souls to avoid the perceived consequences of departure. We fail to grasp that it's in letting go of so much that we can reclaim our essence and embark on a journey of spiritual exploration into a new life.
We are faced with the biggest question anyone can ask: Either stay in a toxic relationship and keep my stuff or get a divorce, recover my soul, and lose some stuff. On the surface, this may be a simple question, but for many, this is the most profound question they will ask themselves.
We confront the most profound question of all: Do we remain in a toxic relationship, holding onto our possessions, or do we opt for divorce and recover our soul even if it means sacrificing some stuff? While it may sound like a straightforward question, for many, this is the most profound inquiry they will ever face. In fact, this question seems to resemble inquiries found within sacred scriptures, underscoring the profound significance of this moment for an individual.
I typically refer to divorce as the second birth.
"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." ― Friedrich Nietzsche.
Q: Shouldn't I stay in the marriage for the sake of the children?
A: Children already live in a war zone, and it's universally acknowledged that it's not the ideal place for them to grow up. If you are married to a narcissist, then she has already undermined your role as a father, turning the family dynamic into a battleground where she's the sole decision-maker. In her eyes, the children aren't considered offspring of the marriage but rather possessions exclusively hers.
In other words, you may have children, but are you allowed to play the role of dad?
Q: What is a narcissistic divorce?
A: The answer comes from The Art of War by Sun Zu, who says: "All Warfare is based on deception."
A narcissist will attack with so much deception you will never know what is coming your way.
Masa asks Adam Neuman (ex-CEO of WeWork): "In a fight, who wins, the smart guy or the crazy guy?" - The Crazy guy answers Adam.
This cannot be any truer in a narcissistic divorce.
Q: Why should I spend any effort in a divorce?
A: Sun Zu also says: "It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Hence, it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected."
Q: Why should I speak to you when I get solid advice from my friends?
A: Trust me, it will be 99% wrong.
Q: I already have a lawyer. Why should I speak to you?
A: Navigating a narcissistic divorce demands far more than the mechanical processes of a typical legal separation. It calls for nothing short of mastering "The Art Of Divorce."
"It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of Divorce that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on."
Adapted from The Art Of War by Sun Zu
Q: What are some typical problems?
A: Two recurring concerns voiced by my clients include:
"I've already invested $10,000 in legal fees, yet I'm still stuck in the same position I was a year ago; nothing seems to have progressed."
"Feeling scared about reaching out to a lawyer. "The Divorce Legal system is the most complex labyrinth you can ever find; you find locked doors in what appears to be empty corridors, you find deep pools of water where it seems to be granite flooring and blue skies where, in reality, there are iron bars above you. It's a maze riddled with hidden dangers and snares, trapping the unwary and unsuspecting at every turn.
Q: Why is that?
A: Clients often need help engaging with lawyers and effectively addressing their needs. This challenge arises from a lack of understanding of the legal process and a corresponding inability to articulate their concerns. Without the necessary knowledge, clients cannot ask the pertinent questions essential for their case.
Q: but I already have a therapist?
A: Most therapists prefer not to speak about narcissism and their conduct and how to adapt a divorce to fit a narcissistic spouse. Therapists are there to sort out your emotions, but they typically do not offer divorce strategies.
Q: Can I get all this information from the internet?
A: You are in a race against time, as divorce must be completed in the shortest possible time. By the time you gather all the information you need, the divorce will be over in three times the time it should have and three times what it should have cost.
Q: Why speak to you when I can get all the information I need from internet groups?
A: I visit these groups frequently, and I know the content. Please let me know how it goes.
Q: Why should I not do this on my own?
A: You can; it will just take much longer, it will be extraordinarily more stressful, and it will take you five years to learn the ropes. I help clients shorten their journeys considerably
Drop me a line if you need to see more Q&As
Q: Why is Oscar a divorce coach?
A: My divorce stretched over a gruelling five-year period. I collaborated with eight different lawyers at various stages and incurred exorbitant legal fees.
It was only after I completed the legal circus that I fully understood what happened and how the system is structured for this type of legal abuse to happen. I am deeply motivated to speak to anyone who needs help.
After the divorce, I published a book and obtained my certification as a divorce coach.
Trust me, you simply cannot see the forest for the trees while you are going through a divorce.