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the Most Important Person During a Divorce - divorce coaching

Updated: Jun 7

I am sitting in a restaurant called Ricky’s, waiting for my friends to arrive. Instead of just waiting, I am writing this blog for the most important person out there. You!


Divorce coaching for men
Divorce Coaching for men

Today is a great day to talk about who the most important person is during a divorce. Well, the most important person is you. Yes, you are the most important person. Here’s the thing: if you don’t prioritize your health, mental health, and well-being, sooner or later you will pay the price. Your health will deteriorate, and if your mental health is not right, you will be looking at stress, anxiety, and possibly PTSD. Stress and anxiety are much more common than people like to admit, especially during a high-conflict divorce with a narcissistic spouse. So yes, the most important person is you. You’ve really got to take care of yourself.


How to Prioritize Yourself During a Divorce


Believe it or not, there are some very simple, easy steps that you can begin to take, especially if you are thinking about or going through a divorce. These small steps are actually critical for your well-being.



Tip #1 - Stop Watching and Reading the News


There’s nothing redeemable in the news, and it can only make you angry and frustrated. There is nothing to be gained by knowing every negative headline, and as it is, divorce is a great source of stress. You don’t want to pile on your nervous system with even more stress. So really, keep away from the news.



Tip #2-Stay Away from the TV Altogether


Instead of spending hours in front of the TV, look for podcasts. There is an incredible amount of great information now in podcasts on how to take care of yourself. Look for the ones that resonate with you to help you find tips on well-being. While this may be easier said than done, considering our addiction to TV, it is crucial to replace this habit with consuming positive information.


Tip #3 - Exercise Regularly


Exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress and improve your mental health. You don’t need to become a gym rat, but finding a physical activity you enjoy can make a huge difference. Whether it’s jogging, yoga, or even a brisk walk in the park, regular exercise helps release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters..


Tip #4 - Eat Healthily


During a divorce, it’s easy to neglect your diet and fall into the trap of comfort eating. However, maintaining a balanced diet is crucial for your physical and mental health. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Avoid excessive alcohol and caffeine, as they can increase anxiety and disrupt your sleep.


Tip #5 - Sleep Well


Divorce can wreak havoc on your sleep patterns. Prioritize getting a good night’s sleep by establishing a bedtime routine, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, and avoiding screens before bed. Good sleep is essential for managing stress and maintaining your overall health.


Magnesium, zinc, and CBD oil offer significant benefits for improving sleep quality. Magnesium helps regulate neurotransmitters that calm the nervous system and prepare the body for restful sleep. Zinc plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy immune system and also aids in regulating sleep by supporting the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. CBD oil interacts with the endocannabinoid system to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation, making it easier to fall and stay asleep. Together, these supplements can enhance sleep duration and quality, reduce nighttime awakenings, and support overall mental and physical well-being, leading to more restorative rest.


tip #6 - Seek Support


I recommend not sharing too much about your divorce process because others will inevitably pass judgment, give bad advice, and attempt to rescue you. You don’t need rescuing; you need space to process things on your own terms. However, friends and family can be invaluable for hanging out, going out, and clearing your mind. Use your support network strategically. Lean on them for emotional support and distraction rather than detailed discussions about your divorce. This approach helps maintain your mental well-being and keeps your relationships positive and supportive during this challenging time. Be mindful of the boundaries you set to protect your peace and privacy.


tip #7 - Set Boundaries


It’s important to set boundaries with your ex-spouse to protect your emotional well-being. Decide on the level of communication that works for you and stick to it. Don’t let your ex dictate how you should feel or what you should do.


Avoid engaging in toxic arguments during a divorce as they can escalate stress, hinder communication, and damage your mental health. Adopting Winston Churchill’s philosophy of “never explain and never complain” to your stbx is crucial. This approach helps you maintain your dignity and composure, preventing you from getting dragged into unnecessary conflicts that can worsen the situation. By not explaining or complaining, you avoid giving your ex-spouse the power to manipulate or provoke you. Instead, focus on constructive communication and solutions. This strategy not only preserves your emotional well-being but also sets a positive example for your children, fostering a healthier environment for everyone involved during this challenging time.


tip #8 - Focus on Your Interests


Use this time to rediscover hobbies and interests that you may have neglected. Engaging in activities you love can provide a great distraction and bring joy back into your life. Whether it’s painting, gardening, or playing a musical instrument, find something that makes you happy.


tip #9 - Practice Mindfulness and Meditation


Mindfulness and meditation are excellent tools for managing stress and staying present. Spend a few minutes each day practicing deep breathing or guided meditation. There are many apps and online resources available to help you get started.


tip #10. Stay Connected with Your Children


If you have children, maintain a strong and positive relationship with them. Divorce can be just as hard on them as it is on you, and they need your support. Be there for them emotionally and physically, and try to maintain a routine that provides them with a sense of stability.


tip #11 - Avoid Horror and Suspenseful Movies


Another crucial tip is to avoid horror and suspenseful movies. The reptilian brain, the oldest part of our brain responsible for survival instincts, cannot differentiate between real and fictional threats. When you watch horror or suspenseful movies, your amygdala activates the freeze/fight/flight response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline into your body. These chemicals are meant to prepare you for real danger by increasing your heart rate, tensing your muscles, and heightening your alertness. However, when this response is triggered unnecessarily, it can cause harm, increasing anxiety and stress levels. Prolonged exposure to these stress hormones can weaken your immune system, disrupt sleep patterns, and lead to chronic health issues. It’s essential to choose calming and uplifting content to protect your mental and physical health during this stressful period.


The Importance of Self-Care and divorce coaching


Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. You cannot pour from an empty cup. By prioritizing your own health and well-being, you are in a better position to support your children and handle the complexities of divorce. Self-care allows you to be more resilient, think more clearly, and make better decisions. A divorce coach has already been there and will help you through the rough patches.


Moving Forward


Divorce is a challenging and emotional process, but it can also be a time for growth and self-discovery. By focusing on your own needs and well-being, you can navigate this difficult period more effectively. Implement these simple yet powerful steps into your daily routine to help manage the stress and emotional turmoil of divorce.


Remember, the most important person during this time is you. Taking care of yourself is the first step towards healing and building a new, fulfilling life post-divorce. You have the strength and resilience to get through this, and prioritizing your well-being is the key to emerging stronger on the other side.



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