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The stoic divorce

mindset during divorce is everything




As a divorce coach, I've realized how important mindset is during the divorce process. While divorce can be a trying and painful experience, it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and development. That is why, in my opinion, Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius was one of the greatest divorce coaches who ever lived.



Use all your might to reframe your situation.


The funny thing is that he had no idea he was a divorce coach.


What does an ancient Roman philosopher and emperor have to do with divorce coaching in the modern world? It turns out that Marcus Aurelius had some wise words to say about dealing with difficult life transitions; divorce is a prime example of a significant life transition.

Amongst his many famous teachings, I found the following to be extremely fitting:


“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength”


This quote emphasizes the significance of mindset in the face of adversity. It's no coincidence that in my book, "The Good, the Bad, and the Divorce," I explore the idea that divorce is one of the most difficult tests of mind over body that anyone can face. It requires a thorough understanding of oneself as well as the ability to reframe the situation in a positive light.

When going through a divorce, it's easy to feel powerless and overwhelmed by the situation. Yet, by acknowledging that you have control over your own thinking, you can discover the strength to manage the process with confidence and grace.

What would Marcus say to a divorcee?


1. Accept the situation: Any journey, no matter how difficult, will become easier by accepting things that are outside of our control. While divorce can be a difficult and painful experience, it is ultimately something that may be outside of your control. A Divorce Coach will encourage you to focus on what you can control - your own thoughts, feelings, and actions - and try to accept the reality of the situation as it is.


2. Cultivate resilience: In the face of adversity, you must cultivate resilience. A good Divorce Coach will remind you that you are capable of handling this situation, even if it feels overwhelming at times. He will encourage you to focus on your inner strength and use this difficult experience as an opportunity to grow and learn.


3. Practice detachment: Stoicism emphasizes the importance of practicing detachment from external things, including relationships. While divorce can be a painful process, Marcus Aurelius would encourage you to remember that your happiness and well-being do not depend solely on your relationship status. A Divorce Coach will also help you in finding fulfillment in other areas of your life, such as work, hobbies, or friendships.


4. Practice self-reflection: As a philosopher, Marcus believed in the importance of self-reflection and self-examination. He might encourage you to take this opportunity to reflect on your own role in the relationship and how you might grow and improve as a result of this experience. He might also suggest examining your own thoughts and beliefs about love and relationships and working to develop a more balanced and healthy perspective.


5. Focus on the present moment: Finally, he would likely remind you to focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. While divorce can bring up many difficult emotions and memories, he might encourage you to stay grounded in the present and focus on what you can do to take care of yourself and move forward in a positive way.


6. Ultimately, going through a divorce can be a difficult and painful experience, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. By practicing acceptance, resilience, detachment, self-reflection, and present-moment awareness, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and find a path forward that works for you.


Markus Aurelius' quote holds great relevance for those going through a divorce or any significant life transition. The power to control one's own mind, thoughts, and emotions is crucial in the process of healing and moving forward. As a divorce coach, I have seen many clients struggle with this aspect of the process, often feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions and thoughts.


However, it's important to understand that reframing the situation can be a powerful tool in finding strength and resilience. Reframing involves changing the way we perceive and interpret events, which can shift our perspective and allow us to see opportunities for growth and positivity.


As a divorce coach, I work with clients to help them develop the necessary skills to reframe their situation and find strength in the face of adversity. This can include strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, and journaling, as well as more practical techniques such as goal setting and creating a support network.


Ultimately, the key to successfully navigating a divorce is to recognize the power of the mind and the ability to reframe one's situation. By doing so, one can find strength, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose.

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