Question 1

Why do I need a Divorce Coach if I already have a lawyer?

Accepted Answer

On this divorce journey, your lawyer will be like the engine that will make sure you keep powering right through. Still, you must always remain steering the wheel on the driver's seat, keeping your own personal power and never relinquishing it to anybody. Your decisions are yours alone; only you can decide when to stop, go faster, and when to turn. A lawyer will not have the time to coach you around critical aspects of your journey. 
I will help you ask the questions most people in divorce fail to ask and seek the answers to. It is your journey, and you need to make sure you do an excellent job.
The challenge for the road ahead is simple: “You don’t know what you don’t know.”   As a coach/co-pilot, I help you get the roadmap you need.

Question 2

What issues can a Divorce Coach help me with?

Accepted Answer

It's a fact, that divorce is a very stressful time that puts the nervous system on high alert, and makes the adrenaline flow faster as we go through the dramatic roller coaster, not knowing what to expect next; our ability to think clearly dramatically decreases at a time when we need to make the most critical decisions which will have an impact on the rest of our life.  It’s like driving up a steep incline on 3 cylinders, continually misfiring.
As a divorce coach, I am your thinking partner who helps you create a roadmap for your present moment situation and future plans, helping you arrive at decisions with clarity and assisting you to move forward with confidence

Question 3

How’s my divorce different when working with a divorce coach?

Accepted Answer

Divorce is typically an extremely lonely journey, even divorcing parents with a large circle of friends and family find themselves alone. You will soon find out that asking advice from those close to you will be quick to tell you how to fix it, and go into rescue mode; which typically means breaking your personal boundaries and diminishing your ability to dig into your own inner resources and creativity to work through the process. Another problem is that those close to you will naturally start picking sides and making it very difficult to confide in them.
As a divorce coach and non-judgemental, advocate - who is extremely familiar with all aspects of divorce; I will walk down the journey as your thinking friend - helping you make decisions with clarity and confidence.

Question 4

Why do I need a divorce coach if I have supportive family and friends?

Accepted Answer

Family and friends mean well, but they can be too emotionally invested to provide objective advice. A divorce coach offers experienced, unbiased guidance tailored to your unique situation, helping you navigate divorce with clarity and confidence.

Question 5

Why should I hire a divorce coach?

Accepted Answer

Hiring a divorce coach can save you time, money, and emotional stress. I help you navigate the complexities of divorce, avoid common mistakes, and make informed decisions. My experience ensures you avoid costly errors and unnecessary suffering, making the process smoother and more efficient.

Question 6

What if I don’t want to divorce, and I am just thinking about  it?

Accepted Answer

Divorce is rarely an overnight decision; it happens slowly over a period of time. Hardly anyone wakes up one morning and says to themselves, “this is a wonderful day to get divorced.” I have been there and have valuable experience with the “ambivalent” zone, that space where one has trouble deciding what to do. The question at this stage is, “should I continue the known road or make a left turn into Divorce trail?” 
I can help you sort things out to make the best decision.

Question 7

Does a coach make decisions for me?

Accepted Answer

Never! As a coach, I do not tell you what to do. Quite the opposite, I keep reminding you that it is your life, and you should not surrender your personal power to anyone. I am deeply aware that your mind is in a state of confusion, so I simply help you sort things through to have a much better view of the landscape in front of you and how to best navigate. Again, the biggest challenge facing you is that “you don’t know what you don’t know.” I will help you ask the questions you must seek answers to.

Question 8

Is remote divorce coaching available?

Accepted Answer

Absolutely! You can receive divorce coaching remotely via video conference, allowing you to get support from the comfort of your home. In-person meetings can also be arranged if preferred.

Question 9

Should I start reading any materials?

Accepted Answer

I authored a book called The Good, The Bad and The Divorce; it is a fantastic resource to get started on your journey; it will help you understand the roadmap for the work ahead of you and start preparing.  It is selling through Amazon, Kindle and Apple Books.  The first few pages of my book are free to download from this website.
Download the initial fifteen pages of my book The Good The Bad and The Divorce for free.

Question 10

Location

Accepted Answer

Hi, all my services are offered either via videoconference or phone. I can service clients across Canada and North America.
The first session is free, let me know if you are interested in booking a session

Question 11

What are my rates

Accepted Answer

I offer various coaching options depending on your situation and where you are at in the divorce process.

Question 12

What is the definition of divorce?

Accepted Answer

Divorce is the legal end of a marriage. Beyond the legal aspect, it's a significant personal transformation. It's a time to break free from societal expectations and reinvent yourself, creating a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Question 13

Why is it so difficult to get away from a toxic marriage- If it is toxic?

Accepted Answer

We cling to the narratives others impose upon us, often carrying childhood stories that remain obscured from our view. 
We allow others to overstep our personal boundaries, driven by a fear of losing everything - our finances, possessions, and, most importantly, our children. 
The dread of such loss compels many to remain in toxic relationships, sacrificing our very souls to avoid the perceived consequences of departure.

We fail to grasp that it's in letting go of so much that we can reclaim our essence and embark on a journey of spiritual exploration into a new life.

We are faced with the biggest question anyone can ask: Either stay in a toxic relationship and keep my stuff or get a divorce, recover my soul, and lose some stuff. On the surface, this may be a simple question, but for many, this is the most profound question they will ask themselves.

We confront the most profound question of all: Do we remain in a toxic relationship, holding onto our possessions, or do we opt for divorce and recover our soul even if it means sacrificing some stuff? While it may sound like a straightforward question, for many, this is the most profound inquiry they will ever face. In fact, this question seems to resemble inquiries found within sacred scriptures, underscoring the profound significance of this moment for an individual.

I typically refer to divorce as the second birth.

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

Question 14

Shouldn't I stay in the marriage for the sake of the children?

Accepted Answer

Children already live in a war zone, and it's universally acknowledged that it's not the ideal place for them to grow up.

If you are married to a narcissist, then she has already undermined your role as a father, turning the family dynamic into a battleground where she's the sole decision-maker. In her eyes, the children aren't considered offspring of the marriage but rather possessions exclusively hers.

In other words, you may have children, but are you allowed to play the role of dad?

Question 15

What challenges are involved in a narcissistic divorce?

Accepted Answer

A narcissistic divorce involves high conflict and legal battles, often with false accusations and manipulation. The narcissistic partner uses deception to gain an advantage, making the process extremely challenging and emotionally draining.

Question 16

I already have a lawyer. Why should I speak to Oscar?

Accepted Answer

Navigating a narcissistic divorce demands far more than the mechanical processes of a typical legal separation. It calls for nothing short of mastering "The Art Of Divorce." 
"It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of Divorce that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on." 
Adapted from The Art Of War by Sun Zu

Question 17

What are some typical problems?

Accepted Answer

Two recurring concerns voiced by my clients include: 
"I've already invested $10,000 in legal fees, yet I'm still stuck in the same position I was a year ago; nothing seems to have progressed."

"Feeling scared about reaching out to a lawyer. "The Divorce Legal system is the most complex labyrinth you can ever find; you find locked doors in what appears to be empty corridors, you find deep pools of water where it seems to be granite flooring and blue skies where, in reality, there are iron bars above you. It's a maze riddled with hidden dangers and snares, trapping the unwary and unsuspecting at every turn.

Question 18

Why is that?

Accepted Answer

Clients often need help engaging with lawyers and effectively addressing their needs. This challenge arises from a lack of understanding of the legal process and a corresponding inability to articulate their concerns. Without the necessary knowledge, clients cannot ask the pertinent questions essential for their case.

Question 19

but I already have a therapist?

Accepted Answer

Most therapists prefer not to speak about narcissism and their conduct and how to adapt a divorce to fit a narcissistic spouse. Therapists are there to sort out your emotions, but they typically do not offer divorce strategies.

Question 20

Why should I not do this on my own?

Accepted Answer

You can; it will just take much longer, it will be extraordinarily more stressful, and it will take you five years to learn the ropes. I help clients shorten their journeys considerably 
Drop me a line if you need to see more Q&As

Question 21

Why is Oscar a divorce coach?

Accepted Answer

My divorce stretched over a grueling five-year period. I collaborated with eight different lawyers at various stages and incurred exorbitant legal fees.

It was only after I completed the legal circus that I fully understood what happened and how the system is structured for this type of legal abuse to happen. I am deeply motivated to speak to anyone who needs help.

After the divorce, I published a book and obtained my certification as a divorce coach.
Trust me, you simply cannot see the forest for the trees while you are going through a divorce.

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