The Impact of Bad Advice: How Misdirection During Divorce Can Derail Your Healing and Your Future

Impact of Bad Advice during a divorce

Somebody told me I should fight for full custody, just to teach him a lesson. Somebody told me I should wipe out our joint account before he did. Somebody told me to go for the house, even if I couldn’t afford it.

Sound familiar?

The impact of bad advice during divorce is massive. It can twist your thinking, make you feel like you’re on the attack instead of healing, and leave behind emotional and financial wreckage. It often comes from people you trust — friends, family, even professionals — or sometimes from that frantic inner voice trying to fix everything fast.

I've spoken to dozens of people going through divorce who regret acting on what "somebody told me." The end result? More conflict, less clarity, and a longer road to peace.

So let's talk about it — honestly, openly — and help you find better footing for whatever comes next.

The Impact of Bad Advice Complicates an Already Difficult Time?

Divorce is already heavy.

Your identity is shifting. Your routine is breaking. Your future feels like a puzzle with missing pieces.

According to the American Bar Association, making informed legal choices during divorce can greatly impact your emotional and financial well-being. They highlight the importance of understanding family law to avoid common pitfalls that can extend conflict or increase stress. As you journey through this challenging time, having a clear understanding of your rights can help you feel more secure and focused on healing.

When you're overwhelmed, it’s only natural to seek direction. But not all advice is created equal.

Somebody told me I should handle it the way they did. Only, their experience wasn’t mine.

That’s the trap.

Advice from people who don’t fully understand your context can make things worse:

• It can turn a quiet disagreement into a full-blown war.

• It can push you toward choices that cost more in the long run.

• It can leave you feeling small, stuck, or scared.

• And maybe worst of all, it stops real healing from beginning.

When you're running low on emotional energy, you may turn to whatever’s closest: Google searches, Reddit threads, friends who’ve been through bitter splits, or a family member with strong opinions and a louder voice than your own.

They may mean well. But their story isn't your story.

That’s why I always say — Why You Shouldn't Take Divorce Advice from Your Friends. You need more than anecdotal wisdom.

And yes, Divorce Burnout is Real — Here's How to Avoid It. Especially when emotional misdirection wears you down.

Why Bad Advice Feels Good (Until It Doesn’t)

Let’s get real. Most bad advice sounds good at first.

It feels like certainty in an uncertain time. It feels like support. It makes you feel seen, even if the advice is off the mark.

Why? Because when your world feels out of control, anything that feels like a plan can seem comforting — even if it’s not the plan you actually need.

Someone once told me, “You have the right to take everything.” It made me feel powerful for a minute. But I wasn't trying to destroy — I was trying to heal.

Here's the thing: Bad advice preys on fear.

• You’re scared to make the wrong move.

• You don’t fully trust yourself yet.

• You want to act, not sit in uncertainty.

But acting on someone else’s fear — or their old wounds — can lead to big problems:

• Settlements that serve no one, including you.

• High-conflict tactics that spiral into courtrooms.

• Misjudging your ex’s behavior and reacting poorly.

• Carrying guilt, blame, or shame you didn’t earn.

And the pattern repeats:

• Staying quiet to keep the peace.

• Rushing ahead because pause feels like weakness.

• Giving too much to prove you’re not the bad guy.

Somebody told me that these were signs of maturity. Turns out, they were signs of burnout.

Coaching Over Confusion: Why the Right Guidance Matters

Nobody’s saying guidance is bad. In fact, it’s necessary.

The key is getting it from the right place.

That’s where a divorce coach comes in. Not a fixer. Not a venting partner. Not someone who gives you a blanket strategy or legal advice.

A divorce coach helps you hear your voice again, and sort through the noise.

Here’s what real coaching looks like:

• It gives you calm, clear help when emotions are high.

• It listens without judgment, but brings focus.

• It validates your pain — and helps you plan what’s next.

A coach isn’t part of the divorce machinery. They’re entirely with you. Your feelings. Your goals. Your values.

They can help you:

• Separate your pain from your purpose.

• Talk to your ex without melting down or lashing out.

• Stand tall when you feel dismissed, shouted over, or ignored.

Coaching is essential if you’re dealing with:

• A high-conflict or toxic ex.

• A tough custody negotiation.

• Fear, resentment, or shame around starting over.

Consider exploring a guide to navigating divorce for added support.

Somebody told me coaching was soft. That I needed to get “tougher.”

In truth, coaching is one of the strongest tools out there. Because clarity is power.

From Reactive to Resilient — A Coaching Story

Let me paint you a picture.

A woman named Maya (not her real name) was in the middle of a painful divorce. Her friend — who had been through a messy one five years prior — told her, "You need to go for everything. Don't be nice. Take control."

At first, Maya felt strong. She filed aggressive paperwork. She braced for war. And she suited up emotionally, every day.

But soon, her ex retaliated. Progress slowed. Their kids, caught in the middle, were picking up on the stress.

Every conversation was a landmine.

Somebody told me she was doing the right thing. She wasn't so sure anymore.

Enter coaching.

Together, we unpacked what she truly wanted: peace, closure, safety for her kids. Not war.

She learned how to detach from the constant conflict, set boundaries her ex couldn’t bulldoze, and respond instead of react.

She shifted her lens from "winning" the divorce to "creating a healthy next chapter."

The result? A parenting agreement that prioritized her kids' stability. A financial decision that set her up for long-term stability. Emotional peace she never thought possible.

According to the Mayo Clinic, individuals dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder often exhibit behaviors that can complicate relationships and emotional recovery. Recognizing these traits in a partner can help you navigate divorce with more insight and can aid in reshaping your emotional journey with clarity and purpose.

She didn't just survive the process. She transformed through it.

What You Can Do Right Now to Protect Yourself from Bad Advice

There's a healthier way through this.

Start by doing what most people don’t:

Pause before you act on emotional advice.

Ask yourself — does this opinion reflect my truth? Or someone else’s story?

Next, notice patterns:

• Is this advice pressuring you to act fast?

• Is it trying to control or protect?

• Does it align with the kind of person you want to be?

Now, get grounded in your own priorities:

What matters most to you?

• Peace?

• Financial stability?

• A cooperative co-parenting plan?

• Emotional recovery?

When you're pulled in different directions:

Name the emotion.

"I'm scared I’ll regret a mistake."

Name the need.

"I need guidance, not panic."

Then re-center.

A short journaling session, one deep breath, or 60 seconds alone in a quiet space makes a difference.

And consider this: a free or low-cost consultation with a certified divorce coach could be your turning point.

If nothing else, it gives you 30 minutes of space that belongs entirely to you.

Somebody Told Me: Why This Phrase Can Wreck a Relationship

Let’s take a step back.

The phrase “somebody told me” should make us all pause.

Why? Because it often comes with an assumption — an idea whispered into one ear that suddenly becomes law in your story.

Let’s just name a few:

• Somebody told me I should keep the house.

• Somebody told me I owned all the assets.

• Somebody told me he doesn't deserve custody.

• Somebody told me to wipe out the accounts.

It’s subtle, but dangerous.

Why?

Because reacting to “somebody told me” without a conversation creates a one-sided story. And in relationships, even when they're ending, unilateral decisions create damage.

If your spouse says, "Somebody told me I can take all your savings, so I did," that’s not guidance — it’s betrayal wearing a mask.

If the conversation came from curiosity — “Hey, somebody told me this. Is it true?” — everything changes.

Now we're talking. Now there’s relationship. Even in separation.

The core question should always be: what’s true?

Is the advice legal, ethical, informed? Or is it misdirection from pain, projection, or an outside opinion with a hidden agenda?

Somebody told me advice must always be taken as a talking point, not a marching order.

You’re Allowed to Choose Something Better

The impact of bad advice can stretch far beyond legal paperwork. It can shape how you feel about yourself, your ex, and your future for years to come.

But here’s the good news:

You can choose different.

You can press pause on the noise. You can ask deeper questions. You can get real support that isn’t powered by fear, revenge, or ego.

Let someone else’s opinion stay theirs. Grab hold of your voice — and build forward from there.

For those navigating unique challenges, whether divorcing a narcissist or considering reconciliation with a narcissist, it's crucial to recognize that not all advice applies equally to every situation.

If you're encountering specific circumstances like divorce due to menopause or finding yourself navigating divorce with a chronically ill spouse, the intricacies of each situation necessitate tailored approaches.

Your future isn’t built on what somebody told you.

It’s built on you.

No matter where you are, expert divorce support is just a Zoom call away. Based in Vancouver, I offer professional divorce coaching to clients across North America, including Toronto, Washington, Florida, and beyond. Whether you’re navigating an amicable split or a high-conflict divorce, personalized guidance is available to help you move forward with clarity, confidence, and strength.

Divorce is tough, but you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

Get professional guidance, emotional support, and clear strategies.

👉 Schedule your free strategy session here.

Explore More Resources:

• 📖 The Good, The Bad, and The Divorce — Real stories, hard truths, and expert advice for navigating divorce.

• 🎯 What is Divorce Coaching? — Learn why having a divorce coach changes everything.

• 🤔 Should You Consider a Divorce Coach? — How coaching provides clarity when you need it most.

• 🧠 Narcissism is Not a Diagnosis — Understand the hidden dynamics behind high-conflict divorce.

• 🌟 Learn More About My Divorce Coaching Services — See how personalized support can change your entire divorce journey.